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Jul. 23rd, 2010 | 02:39 pm

Mildly terrible day filled with BS from US immigration services, almost getting killed twice on the freeway, internet blockage, and just generally feeling miserable. However I got my robot necklace.

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Jul. 11th, 2010 | 04:14 pm

I finished Final Fantasy Tactics a while ago. I have the posthumous nocturne in C# by Chopin memorized. I have yet to draw anything. I got my annual haircut. I will be going to India soon if my visa ever clears, but I will for sure go to Colorado. Mother is back, again. FML.


May. 23rd, 2009 | 06:57 am

So far I've finished the penciling for the first page and the first page of the plot twist. Since the twist comes chronologically before the first page I mistakenly worked on that before I came to my senses and realized that I by the time I got there I should have improved in art. So this page has nine panels and it's pretty beastly, but it's flashbacks so I used a direct reference for each one. I didn't really leave that much room for text though. This might be a problem. The bigger problem is how I'm going to color it. My options are greyscale prismacolor markers, color pencil, or try photoshop. Photoshop would look way more authentic, but I'd have to learn to use it.

I also have started on the second page, which will only be two panels, but includes a full body and a pretty generic and plain background.

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May. 13th, 2009 | 10:58 pm

I feel like cleverness is something greatly admired by children, but it loses dominance in our minds as we grow older. I know that being clever is a good trait to have, but I question my mental flexibility. It requires cycling through many options and ideas in one's head before picking the one that "feels right". If I'm going to grow up in the real world I'll have to wave goodbye to this sheltered life. I don't think I'm suited for anything too cut-throat. I'm willing to work, but I'm not willing to cheat. What worries me is that I might become the person that is willing to do anything to get ahead. I don't want to sacrifice character for status, but status is associated with more instant gratification.

I took the Art History exam today. It wasn't as bad as I expected, I really only want a 3 to make Boehler happy. I doubt I got anything higher. I went to sleep when I got home and had nightmares about the subject. I don't know why, it was scarier in my dreams, and I had already gotten it over with. I don't know if I can really call it a nightmare though, it was mostly just exciting. After the test I think I saw Alex trying out for drum major, if that was him then he was really flamboyant. I have a field trip "tomorrow" which will get me out of class tomorrow and Friday. I doubt I'll go Friday, but I might take the day off to study for AP Statistics. By study I mean learn, since I am a huge failure.

I think one of the signs that I haven't really progressed is that I have a crush on the same guy I did when I was in junior high, despite not having seen him in forever. There was this brief thing with another guy, but I came back. I think I just really miss junior high. It was a pleasant surprise, after being treated like shit throughout the lower grades it was nice to find both teachers and classmates that believed in me and kind of expected something out of me. No one is competent at this school, which is why I want to do something nice for the few teachers that are. They include Boehler, Mr G, and Godsey. I'm not ready for college.


May. 12th, 2009 | 06:47 pm

I chose UCSD. My neighbor and some of my friends are giving me shit for it, but I am kind of apathetic at this point. It's enough for me to have made it into an Ivy League, I'll be successful even if I end up at a community college. They haven't received my FAFSA yet, and that's because I'm retarded and chose UofSD rather than UCSD as a listing. Anyway, it's clear now and they'll get my info. I'm not getting any money obviously, other than my Regents, but they still need info for me to progress. They're one of the later UCs in terms of starting the school year. Maybe that should make me happy, but I'm really just anxious to get everything over with.

I got the print editions of Gunnerkrigg Court: Orientation, and The Runaways. I wouldn't have bought them without the discounts, but that was before I knew what they looked like. The hardcover editions look very legit and durable. Gunnerkrigg is the size of a typical novel, thought a bit more square like. As a result the comic is really scaled down. However I like the portability and it's doesn't lose much except a few cut off bubbles. It's only the first 14 chapters, which I thought would last me forever but I sped through it. I look forward to the second volume, though it'll be a while :(

The Runaways is much larger, the pages are larger than the standard for individual issues. I love it because it's all of The Runaways right before it got not-so-great. I like a few of the later episodes, but they're just episodes. The first volume was a whole story with constant intensity. The rest feels like it has nothing tying it together. I miss Alex and Gert. Though Victor is a cool character, I didn't really like Xavin because it felt like s/he was just there to take the lesbian character away, I understand s/he's different now, but I didn't really get the back story. Also, I miss Adrian Alphona. I don't understand why they're reworking the old issues when the originals are beautiful.

I also have the AP Art History test tomorrow. I should go study for my 2. I've gotten really overweight, so I'm trying to make it part of my morning ritual to do some cardio before showering. Hopefully it'll come as naturally as doing my make up after two years or so.


Apr. 19th, 2009 | 12:01 am

Now it's between UCLA and UCSD
The problem is my vanity. I've been told by a few people that they're surprised by how smart I am, and that they really wouldn't consider me that impressive. I didn't really care until now, because I didn't really know that people thought of me like that. I guess that's what made me want to get into a good school. Yet I don't have the money for Cornell. UCLA is the next best option if I were to go on ranking, but UCSD might be better in terms of lower competition and research opportunities. Plus at UCSD I get Regents and I'll know a few people going there. The fact that I care so much about what other people think of me is seriously confusing, I want to go to a well ranked school because I want the prestige. Yet going to a high ranked school also means more recognition from graduate schools.

On the other hand going to the slightly lower school may not help either. While I think UCSD is great for my major, I also think that competition will be lower than that in UCLA. On the other hand graduate schools might not consider me over someone from UCLA or Cornell. I like the idea of UCSD overall though. I visited today and I think if I went there's I'd have to spend my summer learning to skateboard and not be a fat ass.


Apr. 13th, 2009 | 12:52 am

Being fought over may be nice, nasty, or both. In the end neither the winning nor losing party cares about the prize, it's the thrill of winning that is sought after. So the trophy, plastic or gold, is loved less and less each day after the conquest.

I think I might finish the CAS portfolio on time. I also think I might ask Godsey if I can take the AP Spanish test, because I suck.

I'm pretty emo right now. I guess that might be good otherwise I wouldn't be updating. My aunt came over and we went to Las Vegas. I met a grand uncle who seems really cool and has a daughter only four years older than me. The amount of food that went into my mouth is obscene, so I probably gained a few million pounds. I hate Las Vegas to be honest, but my aunt made it bearable. Hopefully we will go on a longer trip over the summer.

The UCLA vs UC Berkeley debate still rages, I might go to CAL day on the 18th. I hope I go alone, I can't stand traveling with my dad. I hate how my dad goes on and on about how having kids was the worst thing to happen in his life. I understand that I'm a huge burden, but it's annoying to have to hear that every fucking day of my life. It's better than the alternative though. Baby Pishi essentially told him to stfu about it, even if it was around his children. I guess being unconditionally honest is a good trait, but it still makes me feel like shit. I shouldn't feel like shit though, because I could have turned out so much worse. It's probably pure luck that I'm in the position I am right now: deciding between a million awesome schools and planning for my future, something I didn't think I'd actually have a few years ago.

I guess I've learned that accomplishment doesn't change where you stand with the people you care about. I haven't been treated any differently for turning my grades around. I have learned that accomplishment matters to strangers and acquaintances, people who you have yet to develop a real relationship with. Anyway, the moral of my life is that I shouldn't bother trying to please any other than myself, because they won't really care anyway. Still, I'm trying to get into premed programs, so I guess I'm pretty stupid since I don't follow my own advice.



Apr. 8th, 2009 | 04:24 pm

I have a friend who likes movies based on their special and visual effects. I can't even call that shallow because most movies have such basic plots and so little innovation that liking a movie for its plot would be even more shallow. That being said, I saw Being John Malkovich in TOK. That class gave me so much trouble at the beginning of the year. I knew it'd turn around for me in the end, but I thought it would turn around for everyone else as well. Turns out that some of my friends ended up getting screwed while I got an A. It wasn't fair, but no amount of protesting really helped. I'm so ready to get out of this school. I think junior high was more the best years of my life than high school. Everyone seemed to have lost a few points off their IQ once they got to high school. Most of the teachers were beyond salvation and though it got better as the years progressed I can honestly say that I've only had six teachers who were effective at teaching in these four years. I hope this situation is exclusive to my school. In junior high I only had one really ineffective teacher, my eight grade science teacher, and even then I can say that he would be " average" in my school now.

I also don't want to attend my graduation. Not because I go to a craptastic school, but because I think it's kind of pointless and I hate sitting in one spot just doing nothing. Mickey convinced my dad to make me attend, but on the day of graduation I think I'll just tell him I don't want to go. It's not like anyone else is coming, and you don't even get your diploma there.

Yesterday, I volunteered at Kaiser. Guys were acting strange again. I notice that when I do get hit on it's never just once in a day, but several times in the same day. Of course, it doesn't happen everyday-far from it. Also, it seems to happen when I think I look the ugliest, but I always think I look ugly. But maybe it has nothing to do with me, maybe it's like a hormone cycle for men. Instead of having PMS there's just a time of month/random time interval when they decide to act like creepers.

Or maybe I'm just stunning.

Anyway, Baby Pishi will come over Friday. Natalie got back from Grand Assembly today and hopefully I'll have passover dinner with her.

(no subject)

Apr. 6th, 2009 | 07:16 pm

I don't know when or if this happened. But I heard someone say that when someone asks what issue matters least to you, without giving you options to choose from, it's impossible to give the topic you care least about because your brain is wired to give one of the things you've recently thought about. I think I might have been dreaming when I heard this so the science prefacing the statement may just be BS, but I wonder if it's true. Maybe its just impossible because there are so many things we dont care about that we dont really not care about one more than the other.

I got into Cornell, UCLA, UC Berkeley, and other UCs. Brown and Stanford rejected me while Johns Hopkins put me on the waiting list. It's between UCLA and Berkeley for me though I'm having trouble deciding. Every time I think I'm leaning one way I automatically thing of the benefits of going to the other. I should submit my SIRs before break ends though. How lame are breaks in high school? Well, at least traditional track. I hate having only one week off. I hate thinking about the future. Makes me feel like I'm going to screw up. Maybe I shouldn't try to be a doctor, even my dad doesn't feel like supporting the idea anymore, and I only entertained the idea because of him. Yet what else is there to do. A pharmaceutical researcher makes significantly less than a general practitioner or a surgeon, and I can't imagine myself doing anything else. I wish for security, but I don't want to grow up yet.

(no subject)

Jan. 13th, 2009 | 04:59 pm

I'm afraid I haven't changed.
I know my world around me has changed significantly since I last wrote. But I wonder if I'm more or less the same person. I think I am, and that depresses me.
"Don't ever change" is what I used to say to those who I admired, afraid that a tweak in their behaviors would tangle the fabric of awesomeness from which they were woven. Never have I thought of myself as perfect, but I know change can work both ways. Still, I'm afraid that if I haven't changed for the worse then I've experienced stagnation.
The only quality I've seen emerge within the last four years is that I've "gotten my act together" which means I bought in to the bullshit school system and started getting good grades. So far I've been good at it. I guess that's a start, though I might not be proud. Change in others is easier to see than change in oneself, but I haven't exactly been updating this journal in high school. I can barely track the major events of my life.

I guess I'll point out now that my bitch of a mother is back to ruin my life. She's been resuming custody with my brother but I've refused to go, mostly citing my inability to be assed by her lack of stable lifestyle. Hopefully I recorded that she left in early June.

Records are nice to have. Many a time have I regretted not updating regularly, but I hope that eventually I will find enough regrets to motivate me to take action and record my life on this livejournal. I've stopped reading the records, but that's because I feel that they don't give a big picture.

Anyway. School is almost half done. I've applied to Cornell, Brown, Johns Hopkins, Stanford, and half the UCs. It's time for financial aid applications though Cornell's has been due for a while.

I think the last game I talked about was Kingdom Hearts. I've since played FFVII, FFVIICC, and FFVI.

Flute is going ok, but after getting a grasp on that one nocturne I stopped practicing the piano, I've tried to find another piece to inspire me but so far I can only blame school and my lack of will for the interruptions.

I heard Micheal Dwong got kicked out of Berkeley for getting a D in Art History, which is so depressing because he is a genius, and I don't use that word lightly.

I drive a Honda Civic now because my scooter is dead, again.